Fifty Things to Spice Things Up

In my last post I wrote about how using the power of the placebo effect, plus attention and intention, can help you jump start flagging desire.  Notice "wild card" in pink in the graph above? It's the wild card that always keeps things interesting!

Trying new things together with the intention to make your sex life better, is the point - it doesn't even matter so much WHAT you try. It's the trying that can work the magic.

So you want to try some stuff but need ideas?  Here's a list!

1 .  Shop for sex toys together online

2 .  Be excited about their arrival, and then play with them

3 .  Watch porn together - explore the wide variety of ethically-produced porn (porn tip: if it's free it's terrible)

4 .  If you usually have sex with the lights on or off, switch it up

5 .  Set a timer for 10 minutes and agree to stop when it goes off, even if no one has climaxed

6 .  Share fantasies

7 .  Listen to audio porn during sex

8 .  Smoke pot

9 .  Make a sex video

10 . Get tied up

11 . Tie up your partner

12 . Try a 30 day masturbation challenge - no sex, but daily masturbation

13 . If you usually fantasize during sex, try not fantasizing 

14 . If you never fantasize during sex, try it

15 . Make a date to have sex

16 . Invent a pre-sex ritual together

17 . Set a goal to have sex in every room of your house

18 . Have a totally selfish session - all pleasure for just one person. The other only gives. Take turns

19 . Watch a video about Orgasmic Meditation and try it

20 . Try to make the other person climax while they read aloud from their favorite book

21 . Find a place to have sex outside

22 . Read erotica to each other

23 . Find a marriage counselor to talk about your sex life

24 . Go to a sex tips workshop

25 . Comparison shop for better lube

26 . Explore more anal stimulation

27 . Try using gloves for a new sensation

28 . Explore goingn to a sex club

29 . Write a profile together on a swinger website, just for fun. Or for reals

30 . Play with the Magnetic Graphic Sex Project and set up some scenarios to follow

31 . Sext 

32 . Buy a remote controlled bullet, and wear it on a night out

33 . Commit to thinking about sex and being aware of your genitals at least 3x a day

34 . Read a book together on improving your sex life and compare notes

35 . Hire a boudoir photographer to take sexy pictures of you together

36 . Commit to only having sex with your eyes open

37 . Get the Kama Sutra and try each position

38 . Buy a flogger and use it

39 . Sign up for a rope typing course

40 . Make out in the car

41 . Explore some herbal remedies

42 . Do more Kegels, and think specifically about sex when you do them (people of all genitalia type can benefit from kegels)

43 . Try to find someone for a threesome - just the looking is fun

44 . Have a threesome

45 . Watch each other masturbate

46 . Pretend to pick each other up in a bar

47 . Go away for a weekend and make no plans except sex

48 . Block out a chunk of time for super slow sex

49 . Get a strap-on, whatever your current equipment

50.  Sign up for a tantric yoga course together

All of these things involve 7 important steps that create attention and intention, to improve your sex life:

  1. Thinking about it
  2. Suggesting it to your partner
  3. Talking about it with your partner
  4. Deciding to together to try it
  5. Preparing to try it
  6. Trying it
  7. Talking about what it was like.

Regardless of whether the thing itself was subjectively good for you (maybe you start doing it all the time, maybe now you know you NEVER want that again), all that attention and connection and communication with your partner is highly likely to positively effect your sex life and level of desire, for both of you.