Get Empowered by Your Values
Do you want to be sexually self-empowered? It helps to know both what you want – and why you want it. The Graphic Sex Project gives you the tools to find your personal pleasure code – the perfect sexual process that unlocks your way to satisfaction and fulfillment. It’s more than all the right moves. It’s the moves that satisfy both your body and your values.
Sure, you know you like going down on your partner, for instance. What values could that be satisfying for you? Generosity, power, skillfulness, creativity, fun, control, selflessness, pleasure, vulnerability, enthusiasm… what else? Do any of those jump out at you? That might be one of your sexual values.
Say you like your partner to watch you masturbate. What value might that be satisfying? Openness? Self-revelation? Honesty? Intimacy? Exhibitionism? Mastery?
When you can tie your desires for specific sexual activities to broader values, you empower yourself advocate for what you want. It’s not just “touch my clit” because it feels good – it’s “touch my clit” because I value my pleasure, I value having a giving partner, I value opening myself to you, I value focusing my attention, I value selfishness, I value reciprocity.
What are Values?
Values are freely-chosen reflections of the things you care about. When we behave in accordance with our values, we tend to have greater well-being and more connection. That is true of all aspects of your life — your sexual life as well!
Take a look at this graph, created at a live Graphic Sex Project installation.
She lists the things that add to her enjoyment of sex: Red is partner spends time talking to me; Pink is partner cuddles and doesn’t rush; yellow is partner looks into my eyes; green is partner makes sure I cum; orange is partner is dominant and makes me feel wanted; blue is partner doesn’t go on phone; black is cuddles after and kisses; and brown is doesn’t go to bed right after.
Finding the Values
This is a window into her sexual values and shows tremendous self-awareness. She knows not only that she likes to cuddle, but WHY she likes to cuddle.
It’s important that her partner spends time talking to her and cuddling without her feeling rushed. It may be that she values connection, and those activities make her feel connected. The connection is what adds to her enjoyment.
Notice that she says that her partner making sure she orgasms is something that adds to her enjoyment. She isn’t saying that orgasming adds to her enjoyment (although it no doubt does!) she is saying that her partner’s attentiveness to her orgasm adds to her enjoyment. So she values reciprocal selflessness and generosity.
The deep eye-gazing may be a connection value also, or possibly she values empathy, or inner harmony, or love, or belonging. When the activity contributes to a value, that is the path to sexual self-actualization.
Try Your Own
Download my sexual values worksheet from the link below, and take a few minutes to think about what matters to you… and how your preferred sexual activities align with those values.